so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
