my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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