Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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