I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
