He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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