my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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