Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My vagina is officially offended.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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