She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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