A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
