My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
