I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
