Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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