I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
