I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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