I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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