That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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