I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
