I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
