ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
