If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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