One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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