Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
