Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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