my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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