dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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