So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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