dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
