Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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