This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
