I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my shit smells like andre
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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