dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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