Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So. Much. Porn.
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