we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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