I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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