Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
