My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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