i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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