Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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