just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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