shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
