I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
