Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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