i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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