I feel like abortions should bother me more
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
