he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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