Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
