I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
