Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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