Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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