nut hugger
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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