All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
