I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
