i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
