i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
