Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
