you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
