She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
