the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
