why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
