I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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