Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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