Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love having hate sex.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
