You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
