I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And then he peed in my hair
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