shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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