She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
