just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know her cup size but not her name....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
