I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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