Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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