woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
