I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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