Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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