i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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