I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
